The Best of Both Worlds

It can feel strange to be back in Ohio.  Like I am in this land without time, without history; with nothing but shopping centers, newly built subdivisions filled with cookie-cutter homes, and a lot of asphalt connecting it all together.  It makes things hard to concentrate on, and it is very easy to have your mind wander off and not accomplish anything.  What am I doing here even?

While I was in New York last week things started to feel so different.  Hearing all the Spanish spoken on the bus, then seeing all the Japanese businesses– it was very exciting.  This was the type of environment I felt at home in.  But even that wasn’t enough to last more than a few days.  By my fourth day I had gotten used to it, and even New York started to feel just like anywhere in the US.  Of course it wasn’t really just like anywhere, but the point is that me simply being in an exotic place is not going to cut it all by itself.  I have to find the inner strength to go out and discover what I want, then be able to battle through all the crap everyone is going to throw at me to hold me back so that I dont get it.  I want things to be easy: I hate to fight; but if fighting and strife are necessary to achieve satisfaction with your life, then apparently I will have to.   Fear that I might fail in this scares me tremendously.